Sunday, June 30, 2019

Hope. Empathy. Forty.

Forty years ago today, almost to this exact hour, I burst onto the scene. I disrupted lives and changed them forever. For forty years, I struggled with what my purpose was, who I was to become and why I was brought here in this world. Yet, I arrived. I wasn't planned or wanted but within time, my purpose would be driven by the unexpected and at 40, although I never expected it, I feel more alive, happier and full of hope than I did even a month ago. What was the change?


I decided it was time to stop hating, stop waiting, stop wishing and start living. I decided it was time to accept, learn to be open, be aware of change and opportunities to grow. Today as I drove home with my husband from the most amazing day away, I realized it wasn't that life changed it was I changed.

I am not promised tomorrow. I only have the day, the moment I am in, the space I have now.

I can choose to lament. 

I can choose to be filled with the "what ifs", "how comes" and "whys" or I can choose to take those moments of self talk and say I choose, I will and I desire. We are the driver on our destiny. 

Certainly there are moments in my life when I will struggle, when I will be hurt, when I will succumb to the fear and anxiety that weighs me down but with each positive moment I will be the driving force of who I want to be, where I want to go and how I want to get there.

So often I watch as 40 is met with disdain, stress and frustration but for the first time in my entire life, I like me.

I like that I am open to loving all people, no matter who they are, if we agree, disagree or find ourselves somewhere in between. I like that I am choosing to say "no" when it means putting myself or my family first. I realize that my priorities are always to help others out others but I must do so with a kind and conscious heart. 

This weekend, the feelings that I began to cultivate during the month concluded with an experience that was so unique, so special and so empowering, I feel that I was driven to be at that moment in The Underground Experience at Blue Ridge Winery. As Randy spoke, I was reminded of what I wanted and where I wanted to be. I was reminded my wishes and wants were not only my own but better when driven for helping others for living to give of myself but only when I make myself a priority.

As I enter 40, I could lament the mistakes. I could recount what was and where I expected to be or I could celebrate today. I could choose to be overwhelmed with the moment, the opportunity to focus on hope and the gift of the time I am in.

I choose that.

I choose for my 41st year to be focused on Hope. Empathy. Time. I also hope that I can do what Randy and Tiffany do, choosing to bring others to their better life allowing them to live in the moment, hope for the future and focus on the gifts.

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