Quietly, it slips in
The reality of loss.
Like death, the child I imagined, I dreamed gone.
Into silence, words slipped from her lips into the abyss only to return later or perhaps, never return again.
I stand in silence as I see the ghost of who I dreamed she would be.
Simple moments, gone. Recitals. Soccer Tots. Gymnastics.
Vanished into thin air.
There will be no academic awards. Not yet. Not likely.
Still, we wake, with the reality we have to try.
We have to hope.
I well up with the reality of the family I imagined, lost, in a disability, gone.
The simple moments.
Dinners out. Family memories. Holiday’s planned and shared in joy and peace.
The reality is, normal isn’t normal. Life is changed.
I mourn. Then I rest. I get up again.
Some days are okay. I am hopeful. I am renewed. I have visions of where we can get this little love.
Some days I see the shell of who she was, before, before autism wreaked havoc on our life.
I dream that those simple moments will return.
Acceptance. Like the waves of the roaring ocean charged with energy, acceptance of this life rolls in swiftly, with force and then ebbs back into the darkness of the angry sea.
Acceptance. Speaking up. Speaking out. Teaching others, to see the reality of the life we have, and understand the life we lost.
Advocacy. Identifying our challenges, seeking others to speak up as well. Seeking to support others, in their journey.
Advocacy. Choosing to share the expertise you have on your child with hopes it may one day help another.
Autism. The reality that this is the life we have been given.