Its time to muster the courage and do what I have been wanting to do all my life. Write. Its not a new idea, in fact I am published on websites and even in a few magazines but when I initially sat down to write and began sending manuscripts to publishers. They were for children's books because I thought perhaps that was the easiest route. Truth be told some had a little interest but the denial letters filled my apartment mailbox in droves, enough that had I kept them I could probably wallpaper at least one room in my house with said letters.
Who likes denial? No one. I especially hate being denied. For years I have spent my life being co-dependent, trying to make everyone happy and willing to move mountains for everyone else. I have had suggestions thrown at me about writing a book for years, about adoption, about finding your birth parents, about the "happily ever after" my life always seemed to take but honestly, I never felt it...until recently.
My happily ever after is still in the works, and to be honest the person I am becoming isn't thanks to the ease of my childhood, the comfort of my early adulthood or even the beginnings of my parenting career when I was pretty sure that I knew how to parent effectively.
As I began to read the closing chapters of "Girl Wash Your Face" Rachel Hollis spoke to me. In her chapter on marrying Matt Damon, she speaks to me, personally (okay, not really but I felt like she did) and as I closed the book, I hurried to pour a glass of wine, research those publishers and begin the prologue to something I do know. Its the something of learning the path you thought you were on may take a turn. Its the path of choosing happiness when the choice is easier to dwell in darkness. Its the path of living through and beginning to accept the journey of parenting one child with autism. I am no expert, truly. I am two years in and there are others more qualified, with better degrees and years of experience but I am honest (too honest sometimes) and I may be able to help one person, one mother or father who leaves an office their head spinning learning of a diagnosis that steals the child they carried and imagined and changes the path that they will walk walk forever.
So I have decided, its time. Time to take a break from blogging so much, time to let the dishes go a little longer, let the laundry fluff one more time and time to take the time to write. To really write because as I once found a quote from Erin Hanson that I frequently come back to "What if I Fall? Oh but my darling, What if you Fly" and if this book ever gets somewhere, that my friends will be my next tattoo.